I stopped writing my blog because I got feedback that it was depressing. 😢 Looking back, I realised my words were not necessarily uplifting nor inspiring but just words from a broke -hearted little girl who lost her dad.
So I deleted most of those posts and decided I would write about happier things.
Then I stopped writing altogether. I felt that I couldn’t write my feelings down because they were sad and not positive and fluffy. My words were too hard to read. That made me sad. And I felt like I lost my voice too.
Life has spiralled a little. I have cut off everyone from me. I am an island. Now I find friends who were warm and kind to me have now blocked me on social media because I am not giving them something back.
I found (and still find) it hard to reply to messages. Simple things are completely overwhelming. There is simply too much going on in my daily life for me to have any energy to do anything else.
So now I have left Facebook. I have an account simply to keep up to date with Home Ed events and sign up for things. I have reduced my friend list from over 2,000 to barely 150. Most of the friends are family or people who talk to me face to face.
My treasured, true friends have stuck around even though I’m a rubbish friend at the moment. I am grateful for them.
Sadly, since leaving my network marketing company I have been snubbed and kicked to the curb – so to speak – by everyone in that company. People who said they were my “Y Sisters for ever!” That’s the side of NM that no one talks about. What happens when you leave….
No wonder there are thousands, no millions, of people out there who have dabbled in the industry and now viercely hate it. It hurst to put so much time, effort, love into building something and when you need something back…when you needed love and understanding, you get ignored and treated like you’re a nobody…it hurts.
I’ve already said too much. But thankfully, very few people will read this post so who cares right?
I want to warn people that if you join a company for the friendship, the community spirit, the bonds you see that are formed…just be aware that it is as solid as a stack of cards and as soon as you decide the business isn’t for you anymore it all comes tumbling down.
That makes me sad.
Anyways, so I’ve been spending more time with my kids (Home educating) meeting other families who Home ed too. That is all going really well and the children are happy. Nicholas is reading full words and sounding out sentences which he couldn’t do three months ago! It’s lovely to see progress!
Daisy is 9 months old now. Very much in the playful, curious stage. She is still following me around like a shadow and my favourite time of the day is when I lay down in bed for a nap and she curls up near my feet.
We are in the throws of extension work being done and have family over now and that will continue all through the summer so it’s busy. Very busy.
I think it’s good to be busy Though, it stops me thinking about sad things.
I also started going back to the gym. I’ve tried so many times to write about my latest gym adventures but my heart is not in it. The stark reality of life and everything that is on my shoulders is obscuring my view. I can’t focus on light, happy things when the world is so bleak and difficult.
There are many more words I would write but stop myself from typing. To spare anyone too much pain or sadness.
So I’ll take another sip of my camomile tea, watch the children play and snuggle my puppy.
I hope for brighter days to come.