I had little drive to go outside and “Ground” today.
You see, my father passed away Halloween 2017 and I’m still very much in the thick of the grieving process. I have my bad days and my not-so-bad days, but at the moment, every day just feels like it lacks something…or someone.
I woke up feeling empty and terribly sad. I miss my dad, I miss my old life, I miss the old me. It rained all morning again, and the clouds shrouded any sunlight which only added to the sadness within me. Sometimes I wonder if my moods reflect the weather.
Maybe this current grief “flare up” has something to do with the fact it’s Valentines’ Day. Social media is oozing with sickly sweet sentiments and couple’s photos. You know what inevitably happens when you love someone? You lose them.
And the MORE you love that person, the WORSE the loss feels. Don’t get me wrong, I love with all my heart and have no regrets, but the pain of losing someone is so terrible at times It feels like my heart is going to just refuse to beat again.
So I didn’t want to go outside and ground. I wanted to stay inside and wallow in self-pity.
But when I noticed a brief moment where the ran had stopped, I begrudgingly stepped outside onto the wet pavement outside my back door and settled into my usual spot in the garden to ground. The air was cool and moist, it encircled me as I stood with my eyes closed, trying to gain something positive from my two minutes.
Instead of peace and comfort, a bubble of emotions locked inside my chest just burst. My eyes welled up and I threw my head back up towards the sky, allowing myself to be soaked in grief and sorrow. It was the most bitter-sweet two minutes of the day. A time where I allowed myself to truly feel my emotions. With no judgements, no pretence, no need to put on a ‘brave face’ or shut out the pain.
It made me realise the importance of feeling your emotions and accepting them for what they are. I feel that in today’s society, we are being brainwashed into thinking that any negative emotion should be blocked or pushed out. We should only embrace positive thinking.
While I agree, it is important not to dwell on negative emotions and thoughts, they do have an important place in healing.
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok. Honestly. It’s ok!
I feel everything now. I’ve never been more authentic, real and accepting of myself and my emotions.
So there you go, standing barefoot outside, even in the rain, can help you through grief. Who knew? I certainly didn’t expect it when I began this challenge.
Laura
XOXO
P.S. Tried Grounding Before? Let me know in the comments! And be sure to follow me for more!
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